Full Moon Painted Black
by TwitterBug
Summary: Remus Lupin was a werewolf.He had long ago accepted the facts about his curse.His friends vow to stand by him through it all , but what happens when a part of his curse he skipped over rears it's ugly head?The wolf wants his mate and he wants him now.
1. The Story of Remus Lupin

DISCLAIMER--I OWN NOTHING--ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO J. K. ROWLING , THE GODDESS OF MAGIC--WILL BE SIRIUS AND LUPIN SEXY DELICIOUSNESS---YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED--IF YOU DON'T LIKE MALE/MALE PAIRINGS I SUGGEST YOU HIT THE BACK BUTTON NOW....

_Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength , while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ---Lao Tzu_

Normal and Remus Lupin had never belonged in the same sentence together. It was like trying to force oil and water to mix. It didn't work. Lupin had stopped being normal when he was five years old. That was the year that his life ended. He had been bitten by a werewolf as revenge on his father. He hadn't known the circumstances until recently. It was hard to comprehend that he had to endure this hell because of an argument his father had with a werewolf. He knew that it was pointless to rage against the world that he was condemned to. He had learned that early on.

The wizarding community was tolerant , but that tolerance always seems to run out before it extends to people like Lupin. To be a werewolf was a social curse as well as the normal aspect of it. People avioded you. You were a beast that would kill them in the blink of an eye. It mattered not that the transformation only happened once a month. To people who knew , you were the monster all the time. He had dealt with all this when he was bitten. The neighbors all voiced the foul comments that flowed through their minds. It had forced his parents to move.

Living in a secluded part of the country had it's benefits. When he transformed Lupin was quite violent. It was a painful thing to undergo. His screams could be heard for miles. At least their new home was far from the nearest person. It meant that they could be discreet about his condition. He could never fully keep it from the world though. He was forced to register with the Ministry of Magic. They kept tabs on all the dangerous half-breeds. They may have been the law for their world , but that didn't mean that they were more understanding.

His own father hated him. Maybe that was wrong. Maybe he hated himself for causing this to befall his only son. His mother was different. She hated the fact that it had happened , but she loved Lupin all the same. He was no different in her eyes. He loved her for it. Far more than his father who couldn't get past what he had become for whatever reasons. He had heard them fight often. Lately it had been about Hogwarts. He wanted to go so bad , but his father argued that he would never be allowed. His mother was hell bent on him going. She had written to Dumbledore. He was a kind and understanding man.

He was allowed to attend. Dumbledore had taken certain precautions to insure that he could attend and the students would remain safe at the same time. They had planted a whomping willow over a secret passage that led to a broken down shack in the town of Hogsmeade. Since he had begun staying there for his transfermations two years ago the townspeople had come to believe the shack to be haunted. Dumbledore encouraged the rumors hoping to keep the people from stumbling upon him when the wolf was in control.

He always catagorized himself in two parts. There was the part of him that belonged solely to Remus Lupin. This was the rational side of him. The side that thought things through before acting. Then there was the wolf side. This was the side that owned all the rash and impulsive things he had ever done. It was purely insticntual. A monster that ruled his mind and body during those three nights. Most believed that the werewolves only transformed on the night of the full moon. That would be a blessing. In reality it was the night before , of and after.

The days leading up to the transformation had there issues as well. He became like a bitch in heat. He was irritiable and short tempered. That stood out a lot. He was a quiet , kind person , but that changed when he snapped at people for no apparent reason. It always weighed on his mind. Then there was the part that really made him feel like an animal in heat. The horniness that consumed him. It wasn't like normal hormones. A teen could resists those. Maybe jerk off a few times and be done for the week. He on the other hand could blow his load a hundred times and be ready to go another hundred. It made no difference to ignore it , well it made it worse.

It was bad enough to be an outcast among your fellow students for being shy , but completely different to be shunned because you started humping something in front of the whole school. Thank god he had his urges and traits figured out before he came here. It may not be the best situation , but he could deal with it as long as he got to attend school. The first two years he avoided anyone , but now he had friends. Well , as much of friends as you can call someone you keep a huge secret from. He can never tell them what he is. They would run faster than the speed of sound.

His only friends. James Potter was the leader of their little misguided group. Strong and loyal to the core. Seeker for Gryffindor made him popular , but he put his friends first. Then there was Sirius Black. The prodigal son that had turned his back on the family that he despised. His friends were his family now. He protected them fiercely. Last was Peter Pettigrew. He was a timid boy by nature , but occasionally held his ground. Together the four of them became the Marauders. A group that struck fear in the hearts of teachers everywhere. Their reputation for pranks was legendary. Lupin always tried to be the voice of reason , but it was never easy.

As much as he loved his friends he still could not bring himself to tell them of the monster that lived within him. Every full moon he disappeared with excuses made and spent three days in the Sherieking Shack as the villiagers had come to call it. He kept a close eye on his friends , weary of any hint that they were growing suspicious. He thought that they accepted his absenses without question , but he was wrong. Toward the middle of his third year , they began questioning his absenses. He tried to lie to them , but he could tell that they only agreed to avoid a fight. He knew the time was nearing when they would learn the horrible truth.

He cherished the time he had left. For he was sure the moment they learned the truth they would leave and he would be friendless once again. Then the day came right before the holidays when they were all lounging around the empty common room when James asked him how much longer till he transformed. Lupin , absorbed in his essay for potions , answered without thinking. It was only seconds before he realized what James had said. He steeled a look at his friends and tried to memorize their faces. After the silence dragged on , he gathered his books and started to walk up the stairs.

James regained his senses and called out to him that it didn't matter to them. Lupin could hardly believe it. They sat there and talked til dawn. He was overwhelmed with joy that his friends had accepted him. For the next few years they grew closer til they were all but blood brothers. Their reputations grew and hormones took over. Yet they always put their friendship first. They even became unregistered Animagi **(Don't really know the plural and singular form of the damn word and to lazy to look it up in the books.)**

Every month when Lupin would undergo the painful transformation he was joined by his brothers. In animal form they were safe. James became a great stag that was every bit as regal and pompous as his human counter part. Sirius became a great black dog , blacker than his name as he often joked. Peter became the smallest so that they could get into the womping willow unharmed. He was rather rat looking in reality so the rat fit him well. They would meet up with Lupin and run as a rag tag pack for three nights.

It was this secret that led to their nicknames. Lupin became Moony once a month , James was Prongs , Sirius was Padfoot and Peter was Wormtail. They used these names to speak about their monthly adventures. It was only in animal form that they truly became these identities. They used the names so much that by the final year of school their real names were nearly forgotten. They were inseparable , but the world was changing. They would leave school for the final time and none of them knew what life outside the walls of Hogwarts would hold for them. It was Moony's fear that they would drift so far apart that they would exist only in legend. So at the start of the year he clung desperately to his friends , but he never imagined the change that would come before the end of the year. I really don't think any of them could have forseen it if they had been seers.

And this is where our tale begins. The last year of Hogwarts for the famous Marauders. The year that changed them forever and the world with it.

_IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MORE HIT THE BUTTON AND TELL ME ABOUT IT...I'M A SUCKER FOR COMPLIMENTS..._


	2. A Night Best Forgotten

DISCLAIMER---I OWN NOTHING--ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO J. K. ROWLING , THE GODDESS OF MAGIC---WILL BE SIRIUS AND LUPIN SEXY DELICIOUSNESS---YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED---IF YOU DON'T LIKE MALE/MALE PAIRINGS I SUGGEST YOU HIT THE BACK BUTTON NOW...

_If you press me to say why I loved him , I can say no more than because he was he , and I was I.---Michel de Montaigne_

"So what is this brilliant plan you have and why on God's green Earth do we have to be awake two hours early?" I asked James. He was always doing things like this.

"Because my dear Moony , she will say yes this time. I have no doubt. As for the plan..." He started , but was interrupted by Padfoot.

"Of course she will. Just like she said yes the past hundred times you've concocted a brilliant scheme." He said groggily. Poor Padfoot was not a morning person.

"Yes , let's not forget all those times." Wormtail said in a huff.

Seems that no one is a morning person these days. Well , I guess no one would be at four in the morning. I loved James , I really did , but this was pushing it. He had been pursuing Lily Evans for months now and she had yet to accept his offer for a date. I usually felt bad for him , but at the moment I was on Lily's team.

"Look , it will work this time. Now , the plan is this..." He said and his eyes lit up as he explained this new form of torture for the fair miss Evans. I tried my best to listen , but I was dead tired seeing as the full moon was two days away. It was always hard this time of the month. I hated dealing with the wolf. He was so irrational that I often wondered how we could occupy the same body. He was the complete opposite of me. Although I referred to him as the wolf , my friends referred to him as my_ furry little problem._ That always caused issues when someone overheard us discussing it. They were under the impression that I owned a rather misbehaved rabbit or something.

"So that's why I know this will work." Prongs' voice broke me out of my thoughts. I should feel bad that I missed the entire plan , but he had woken us up at four so I brushed the feeling aside.

"So I assume from the wake up call that you want us to start on this right away?" Padfoot asked.

"Of course. Moony will help you with the charms and Wormtail will help me get Lily where she needs to be." Prongs instructed.

We got dressed reluctantly and headed out of the portrait hole into the deserted corridors. I walked beside Padfoot in silence , wishing I was still nestled in my warm bed. After moving through a few secret passage ways I decided I better find out what the plan was so I could help.

"So what are we doing?" I asked. Pads chuckled at me.

"I knew you weren't listening. We have to charm a few statues and mirrors to _'talk'_ some sense into Lily." He informed me. I thought about this for a moment.

"Pads , is it just me or is Prongs getting a bit ...senile?" I asked gently. He merely chuckled.

"No , my dear Moony , 'tis more than you." He said.

We spent the next two hours charming every statue , suit of armor and mirror in the girls bathroom to give sound advice to Lily about accepting James' offer. I was exhausted after we were finished and dragged my feet all the way back to the common room. Content with sleeping for the next few hours.

The first day wielded no results , but the second and third were much better. It was the third day of Prongs' plan and the first night of my transformation. Lily had finally agreed to go on a date with him , but it was to be tonight. James was beside himself with what to do. They had always been with me at night since they mastered their transformations. I tried in vain to assure him that I would be fine without him. It took nearly all day to convince him , but he finally agreed after I told him that one of the others could come get him if there was a problem.

"If something happens , come to me at once. I'll be at the Three Broomsticks , ok?" James told us for the hundredth time. We were all annoyed by this point.

"Yes Prongs , we know. Just if you see a rat , make sure it's Pete first." Padfoot told him. I had to laugh at an image of James running off with a strange rat in the middle of his date.

A few hours later I made my way through the passageway to the shack. As I sat in the dusty little room I was struck by the thought that this time I felt different. I was more aroused than I had ever been before. I could feel the wolf more clearly the closer I got to changing. He was restless. Like he was waiting for something that had been coming for so long. It was an odd feeling.

As the moon rose higher I felt the change start. My bones were changing around and the pain was unbearable. The muscle twisted to form a new shape. My nails grew rapidly and I felt my teeth changing. Fur grew on every inch of my body. I screamed in agony as the wolf claimed my mind and body. Suddenly it was over and Remus was gone. Moony was here for now.

I paced the room. _Restless , aching to find him. I needed to get to him. He was mine. I needed to claim what was mine._ I tore at the walls in frustration. I didn't understand where I was , but I had to get out. I clawed at my self. The need was burning in every part of me. I ran the length of the room , desperately searching for a way out. I stopped suddenly , smelling another presence. It was familar , tugging at a memory at the edge of my mind. I waited and listened. I heard two sets of feet coming closer.

Suddenly there was a rat and a dog. I stared at them. Not knowing if they were a threat or not. They carefully approached me. I sniffed at the air to learn more. Then they spoke.** (They can understand each other. Like telepathy. I can't see this happening if they have no way to communicate.)**

_"Moony old friend. How are you?"_ The dog asked. There was something about his scent that intrigued me.

_"Who are you and why do you call me that?"_ I asked the dog.

_"I am Padfoot and this is Wormtail. We are friends. I call you Moony because that is the name we gave you."_ Padfoot explained.

It all seemed familiar. Like a dream that I couldn't quite remember. I studied the animals before me. The dog , Padfoot , was large and black with brilliant green eyes. He stirred feelings of lust within me. I had the urge to howl in joy. The rat , Wormtail , was small and his brown eyes betrayed a sense of disloyalty. I looked at the dog again. I felt the feeling return with force. _He was the one._ The mate that I had been searching for.

_"It's you." _I said to him. He looked at me curiously.

_"What do you mean?"_ He asked.

_"I know you are my mate." _I said.

_"Of course. We both are."_ He said.

_"I only have one mate. And it is for life."_ I said , confused as to what he meant about both of them.

_"Wait , you mean mate as friend right?"_ He asked.

_"No , I mean the one that I am mated to. My partner."_ I said. The two exchanged looks. I was tired of talking. I needed to claim him now. I could no longer resist the urges within me.

I lunged at him and pinned him to the ground. He let out a yelp and the rat was squeeking and bolted from the room. It didn't matter. I had my mate and it was time to make him mine. I grabbed his hips with my legs and stood behind him. I felt the softness of his fur brushing against me and the scent of him so close was driving me wild.

_"Moony , stop. This isn't right. Please! Not like this."_ He pleaded with me , but I was so close now. In the back of my mind there was a voice screaming at me to stop , but I ignored it.

I thrust into him and whimpered at the feel of him. It was tight and hot. He yelped and tried to crawl away , but I held him tight. I thrust into him at a frantic pace. I was lost to the sensations around me. The feel of him against me , around me. The whimpers that spurred me on. I was lost in a sea of feelings. I felt him stop struggling and begin to pant in pleasure. Time was lost to me. It could have been hours later when it became to much. I dimly registered the sound of approaching feet. I let lose a howl as I tumbled over the edge and he howled with me. Losing control himself. I withdrew and cuddle up next to him. He licked me snout affectionately and I was lost to sleep.

I awoke the next morning in pain. It was always this way. The pain a result of the transformation my body had to endure. I never remembered what happened once the wolf took over. Sometimes I felt as though I had split personality disorder. I looked around and was surprised to find Padfoot curled in my arms , still in his dog form. I started to try to stand to get dressed and he awoke. I waited for him to fully wake up before I asked that all to important question. He looked up at me and smiled.

"So what damage did I do last night?" I asked. This was always the first thing we covered in the mornings.

"Nothing. Moony was talking about a mate though." He answered , avoiding my gaze.

"Well , I don't know anything about it , but I guess I should look it up if he's bringing it up." I told him. It was true. I had skipped over that part when researching my condition. It wasn't as though I was ever going to have one so I figured what was the point. Still , I needed to know now.

Padfoot was still avoiding looking at me and I wondered if I had done something last night. Something that he didn't want me to know about. I heard Madam Pomfrey making her way into the shack and I looked at Sirus. He was studying a piece of the tattered rug and seemed lost in thought.

"You need to get under the cloak , Pads." I told him. He nodded and slipped beneath it. He was gone , I assumed , without so much as a bye. I was worried now. He was always happy even if I had tried to bit him the night before.

I pulled on my clothes just as Madam Pomfrey entered the room. As usual she helped me through the tunnel to the infirmary. There she checked me over for any injuries that I had sustained. I would spend the rest of the day here before returning to the shack to repeat the whole process. I used to be a lot worse in the mornings. Then my friends were able to stay with me and prevent most of the damage to myself. Moony was a destructive bastard.

I spent the day reading through werewolf books that Madam Pomfrey brought me. Most were just on how to kill them. Finally I found the right one and started reading.

_During a werewolves last year as a adolescent the hormones surge and the wolf will seek a mate. Once found the wolf will claim what is his and they will be mated for life. To solidify the instinct , they will have sex and both parties will develop a sixth sense about the other. They will be able to feel the others mood , just like normal animals. It is rare , but sometimes one or both parties will try to reject the bond. If this occurs and continues for three months the werewolf will die. Since they mate for life the wolf will take the rejection the hardest. This rarely occurs since the werewolf knows of the process and does their best to avoid unwanted mating._

Well , that was interesting. Maybe I shouldn't have skipped over it years ago. I would need to talk to Dumbledore to insure that I didn't accidently mate. That would be disasterous. Especially if the bond was fought. I hated being this thing , but that didn't mean that I wanted to die. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and waited for my friends to show up after classes. I was about to dose off when I heard Pads , Prongs and Wormtail walking into the ward. I smiled at them.

"So how you doing , Moons?" Prongs asked.

"I feel a little better , but that will change tomorrow." I told him truthfully.

"That's good." Wormtail said. I looked at Sirius and saw that he was looking at the books on my nightstand.

"So how was your date?" I asked Prongs. He scowled. _Uh-oh._

"Well , it was fine till _someone_ came and got me for no reason. I ran out on Lily and now she's mad." He said sourly.

"Why did they come get you? Padfoot said I was fine last night." I said looking to Sirius for an explanation , but he was staring at the floor now.

"You were talking about mates and how Pads was yours. You pounced on him so I ran for James , but you two were cuddled up fast asleep when we got there." Wormtail said and my blood ran cold. I looked at Sirius willing him to look at me.

"Pads?" I tried to get his attention. He finally looked at me and I saw the answer in his eyes. _I had claimed him._ I started to hyperventilate at the thought. I head the passage in my head.

I noticed the three of them looking at me in panic , but I was to far gone. I had raped my best friend and tied him to me for life. He didn't deserve such a fate. I should have read about it long ago and this never would have happened. There was no way to get him out of this mess. I could deal with it as long as he was free from it. Then the voice in my head screamed at me. The line of the passage racing through my mind.

_If the bond is rejected , the werewolf will die._

I could live with that. Well , _not literally_ , but it was the only way. Yes , I would reject it and die and Sirus would be free. He never had to know that it would happen. He would never find out. He couldn't because he would accept it to save me. I looked at him once more and saw the concern in his eyes._ Yes , that was best. _I thought before darkness enveloped me once more.

OK ANIMAL SEX KINDA FREAKY , BUT IT NEEDED TO HAPPEN CAUSE I CAN'T SEE LUPIN DOING IT WHILE HUMAN...THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN UP SOONER , BUT THE STUPID SITE WAS HAVING ISSUES SO I COULDN'T POST EITHER PART TILL TODAY....HOPE YOU LIKE...


	3. I Love You , You Idiot!

DISCLAIMER---I OWN NOTHING--ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO J. K. ROWLING , THE GODDESS OF MAGIC---WILL BE SIRIUS AND LUPIN SEXY DELICIOUSNESS---YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED---IF YOU DON'T LIKE MALE/MALE PAIRINGS I SUGGEST YOU HIT THE BACK BUTTON NOW...

_Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...be just an illusion.---Javan._

I had decided. I was set in my decision when I awoke again. The room was empty and the light was receding. I knew that the moon was close to rising and I would need to make my way to the shack. I started to crawl out of bed when Madam Pomfrey came walking in. She noticed my struggle and rushed to help me up.

"I was about to wake you , Remus. It's time to leave. You gave your friends quite a scare." She said as we made our way through the halls.

"I kinda figured that." I told her.

"You had a panic attack. Care to tell me what got you so worked up?" She pressed.

"Not really." I replied. I wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Once the moon had passed I would tell Dumbledore.

"Can you make it to the shack from here?" She asked as she froze the willow. I nodded and she walked back toward the school.

I stumbled through the tunnel. Tonight would be hard. I knew that I would be alone for it. There was no way that my friends would come to be with me now. I had blown the whole thing. It was my fear from the moment we met. I just never imagined that it would end like this. Raping my best friend. I shivered at the thought as I entered the room and started to remove my clothes.

I was utterly alone now. I sat in the corner of the room in the shadows. _I wanted to disappear. _To suddenly no longer exist. I tried not to think about the next time I would see the friends I had lost. It caused my heart to clench painfully. For once in my life I was ready to welcome the wolf. _Maybe he would end this misery._ Tear the both of us apart. A small smile graced my lips at the thought. I just hoped that Moony wouldn't escape to find Sirius. I looked up at the window and was glad that I had just minutes left.

As the moon peaked above the horizon I felt the first stirrings of pain. _I welcomed it. _I deserved nothing less. I refused to let the scream escape my lips this time. I didn't deserve the right to voice my pain. In minutes it was over and I was gone. I hadn't let the first sound escape. Moony took control. Immediately searching for his mate.

The room was empty. _He was supposed to be here._ He wasn't. _Was something wrong?_ If he was hurt I would kill the thing responsible. I paced the room , waiting , listening for the slightest sound. There was nothing. I felt an emptiness consume me. Darkness engulfed me. He wasn't coming. I was alone again. I should be angry , but I only felt the loneliness within me.

I crawled to the corner and curled into myself. I laid there staring into the nothingness. Every part of my soul yearned for my mate. The pain increased with every thought of him. I could still pick up his faint scent in the room. Unable to endure it any longer I howled a pained sound. The loneliness increased and I couldn't take it anymore. The room seemed to small. I needed to make it stop. It hurt to much. I jumped up and clawed at the spot that my heart lay in my chest. I scratched at every piece of skin I could reach. The night continued like this till morning came and I was lost to the pain again.

I awoke in utter agony. I looked down at my body and saw the damage that the wolf had inflicted. Blood poured from my body and the joy I felt at this fact by passed the pain. I smiled as I watched the blood flow to the floor and pool around me. The room was becoming fuzzy and there was a loud hum in my ears. The room twisted as I waited for it to end. My eyes closed and I sighed before the darkness claimed me.

Suddenly I could feel hands running over my body. Light glowed beneath my eyelids. This wasn't right. I was in pain. _I couldn't be dead. _Unless I was in hell. That would explain the pain. I tried to open my eyes. It took a while , but I finally pried them open. Madam Pomfrey was working over me frantically along with Dumbledore. I tried to speak , but only managed a rasping sound. This caught their attention and I heard Madam Pomfrey talking.

"Mr. Lupin. Oh god , I was afraid you wouldn't wake. You're hurt badly , but I think we got to you in time. Rest please while we fix you up." She said in a shaky voice. I could tell she was upset.

I tried to speak again , but Dumbledore told me not to try. I shook my head at him and tried to pull my arm free from his grip. I barely managed to move it at all. Dumbledore met my gaze.

"Don't move. I need to seal the wounds before you lose anymore blood , Remus." He said. I shook my head again and he frowned at the action.

"You don't want to be healed?" He asked uncertainly. I nodded. His frown deepened at this.

"Well , you going to be healed." He said in a stern voice and I gave up. I drifted off again.

Hours later I woke again. Dumbledore was sitting next to my bed watching me closely. I sat up as best as I could and he waited for me to speak.

_"Why?"_ I asked. My voice was still raspy. Dumbledore looked sad.

"Because your life is important. Now why did you not want us to save you?" He said and I resisted the urge to snort at the thought that my life was important. I didn't want to have this conversation , but I knew there was no avoiding it.

_"Mated."_ I said simply. Dumbledore nodded , comprehension dawning in his eyes.

"Who?" He asked quietly.

_"Sirius. Raped him." _I told him in shame. Dumbledore was quiet for a while.

"Have you told Mr. Black?" He asked. I shook my head. He sighed wearily.

"I can't make you tell him , but I suggest you do. You may be surprised at what you learn." He said cryptically. With that he rose and walked out. I drifted off again.

I awoke sometime later to the sound of voices. I knew those voices. It was James and Peter. They were talking quietly. I didn't want to see them. To see the rejection in there eyes. To feel the pain that it would bring. I laid there pretending to sleep.

_"I can't believe it."_ I heard James say.

_"I know. You think that he meant to do it?"_ Peter said.

_"I don't know. I feel so bad for him. Did you hear what he said?"_ James whispered back. My heart was beating frantically in my chest. Sirius had told them what I did.

_"That he didn't want it. How could Moony do that to him?" _Peter said.

_"He always said he was a monster. I just never listened to him."_ James said quietly.

_"Do you think he'll talk to us?" _Peter asked.

_"I don't know , Wormtail. I just don't know."_ James replied.

"Times up , boys." Madam Pomfrey's voice joined the group. I heard there footsteps retreating.

"Remus? Time to wake up." She said as she shook my shoulder.

I opened my eyes and saw the sadness in hers. I turned my head away. _I didn't want her pity._ I got out of bed and needed to lean on her as we headed to the willow. It was a quiet march. I was thankful for the silence. She helped me into the shack and up to my room. She helped me onto the bed and turned to leave. When she reached the door she stopped and turned around. She looked at me sadly for a minute then left with a sigh.

It was a repeat of the night before and I hoped that this time I would die before they got to me. I was disappointed again. I woke up in the infirmary again and was depressed at the thought. I laid there staring into space. The hours passed and I had yet to speak. I figured why bother. Late that afternoon I was shocked out of my trance by a hand on my arm. I jumped and looked around. I was met with a pair of brilliant green eyes.

"Hey , Moony." James said.

I remained silent. James stared at me. Finally he seemed to realize that I wasn't going to speak. He took a seat beside my bed and I resumed my staring.

"Look , I know that things are messed up , but that doesn't mean that you need to die. What about Peter , Sirius and I? Have you thought about how it would affect us? I'm sorry that we weren't there , but Snape got us in trouble so that we had detention the past two nights. I wish you would talk to us. Padfoot's do different now. He doesn't laugh. I think it's because of you." James ranted on. I felt the tears well up at the fact that he thought it was because of me. _It was the truth._

James suddenly stood and grabbed my shoulders. He shook me hard trying to get a reaction. I continued to stare right through him. He sighed and stopped the shaking.

"You need to talk to us. We are your friends. Please tell me why you're doing this to us?" He said in a stern voice. _I had had enough._ I turned to face him and he stepped back at the look in my eyes.

"Why? Because the stupid wolf found a mate. I could have avoided this all if I had read the damn passage. I wouldn't have attacked him. It's all my fault. I trapped him and now I have to die to save him from a life of being forced to be with me." I yelled at him. He stared at me in shock so I returned to my staring.

"Moony...we don't care and maybe this person wants to be with you. You should talk to them first." James said. I ignored him. After a while he sighed and left. I remained in my own self induced hell.

I kept going over what James had said. It was obvious now that Sirius hadn't told them. I wondered what the had been discussing earlier. I had a fleeting moment of hope , but I squashed it. They may not care right now , but when they learn that I raped Sirius they would change their minds. I finally gave up and went back to sleep.

I was in the infirmary for three more days. James and Peter took turns coming to talk to me , but I never spoke to them or acknowledged that they were there. When I was finally released I went straight to the dorm and retrieved my things. I made my way through the castle and out onto the grounds. I slipped into the secret passage and deposited my things in the shack.

Over the next week I avoided my friends as best I could. Every night I went back to the shack to sleep. I did my school work , but refused to utter a single word. Every time I saw Sirius I refused to look at him. I could feel the three of them staring at me , but I ignored it all. James and Peter continued to try to talk to me , but I refused to give in. Finally they seemed to get the idea. The weeks slipped by and I was waiting for the full moon to come. I had a plan this time. I would let Madam Pomfrey lead me to the passage , but I would not return to the shack. I would wait then slip back out and into the forbidden forest.

I would chain myself to the biggest tree I could find and wait for the wolf to come and end it all. They wouldn't find me and I would finally be at peace. It was all set and the plan was going fine until the day before the first night. I was laying in the bed at the shack when I heard someone walking up the stairs. I wished I could disappear at that moment , but I knew they would find me eventually. I laid back and waited for the person to walk through the door. I was surprised to find Sirius standing in the doorway.

"Enjoying the quiet?" He asked. I remained quiet.

"Okay then. Look , you need to snap out of this. What happened was _my_ fault. I shouldn't ha..." He said , but I cut him off , speaking for the first time in weeks.

"You did nothing wrong._ I **raped** you!_" I yelled at him. His eyes lit up at the fact that he had gotten a reaction out of me. But there was a frown at my statement.

"No , you didn't. I know you don't remember , but _I _wanted you to. I enjoyed myself." He said.

"Why don't you go to the library , get A Werewolf Guide , and look at the mating section. Then tell me how much you_ enjoyed_ it." I told him. Sirius sighed and tried to talk to me , but I ignored him. Finally he left.

The next morning he corned me at after breakfast and he didn't look happy. I was smiling inside. I knew that he would change his mind after reading that he was now tied to me for life. He dragged me out onto the grounds and rounded on me. The anger flowing from him. I waited patiently.

"Why didn't you tell me that I'm your mate? You realize it's been a month and you haven't said a word." He said in a clipped voice.

"Yes , I do. It won't matter in a few days anyway." I said.

"_What do you mean?_ It said you had three months." He said in a worried voice.

"I'm taking care of it." I replied. He looked stricken as it fell into place.

"No! _You idiot. Why are you doing this?_ Do you _hate _me that much?" He pleaded. I looked at him I was confused.

"I won't allow you to do this out of some obligation you feel towards me." I told him.

"You..._I love you , you idiot. _Have since we met! I _want_ to be with you." He yelled.

"What?" I said stupidly. He looked frustrated.

I stood there waiting for him to explain. He looked at me for a minute then suddenly his lips were on mine and the wolf in me purred in content. I was still for a minute before I returned the kiss. My hands found his hips and I pulled him close to me. My lips moved against his and it was heaven. I felt his tongue sweep across my lips and I opened them instantly. I was lost in the taste of him. His breakfast mingling with the essence that was Sirius. I was at peace for the first time in a long time. But air was becoming an issue. I pulled back and gasped for breath.

"_Now_ do you believe me?" He panted out. I nodded and pecked him gently on the lips again. A smile plastered on my face.

The wolf was content. Reunited with his mate made him happy. The rest of the day was a blur. I found my attention drifting in class. Back to the kiss this morning. It was all me this time. The wolf hadn't taken what he wanted. Sirius had given. I was on cloud nine. Life was good. He even agreed to be with me this time. We talked as often as we could about what we had missed. He had been distraught when he learned what Moony had done when he didn't show up.

James and Peter joined us. I apologized to them all , but they waved it off. We were brothers again. Well , except me and Sirius. We convinced James and Pete to stay away this time. I knew what the wolf would do when he awoke to find his mate there. We hadn't told them yet and that was an image that no one needed to see. I waited in the shack with Sirius kissing me until the moon rose. That night was a marathon of sex. In the morning I decided that eventually we needed to have sex as humans. We decided that we would tell James and Pete after the last night. I was happy again and life was perfect.


	4. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sadly the economy has gotten so bad that must give up my internet and with it my beloved fans who are waiting for new chapters. I am so sorry to have to do this , but I promise that I will be writing chapters during my leave so be prepared when I return. The whole thing really sucks , but it must happen.

I know that most of you have heard this once before and I was able to work around it , but that's not the case anymore. My husband was dropped down to 32 hours a week at work and we were already giving up things to get by. **_I would kill for a pizza hut pizza. _**We pretty much fill our freezer with things that he either catches or hunts down. It's a sad time indeed.

I really think that Obama should worry about getting money back to the people instead of funding health care. You can't use the crap if you die of hunger. Still I know that I'm not the worst off so I hope anyone else having trouble finds some relief. So to my fans , I won't be gone forever. To the people that I have on alert I can't wait to get back to see what I missed. Who knows , by the time I get back I may have tons of new stuff that will take days to load and read. I won't be able to read your wonderful comments for a bit , but I thank you in advance. Now I must unhook everything to take back to the company. A sad feat in itself.


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